There’s no feeling that replicates the feeling of being out in the world. That’s a special kind of courage.
I don’t just mean a normal routine. I mean being courageous in taking on a new experience. I think you can experience this kind of courage in a lot of ways.
An example can be reaching out to a friend you haven’t heard from in a long time. Or taking the change with that job interview, no matter how nervous you are (or how loud the voice is that cries out “imposter!”)
And then there’s courage that moves the trajectory of your life. That proves you’re a living, breathing human being. That makes you look at the world around you, that makes you breathe in every second.
It’s important to do these things, to take that leap, to jump even higher than you ever could have imagined.
My husband and I did an incredibly courageous, beautiful, wondrous thing this spring. We got married! We stood and breathed in and out, looking into each others’ eyes, and let the world come to us at that moment.
Dedicated, committed love is brave. It means that you exist. That you’re here. That you’re in the world. And you’re here together as each other. That you are uninhibited and yourself. What freedom it is to be loved so fully for being you, in your whole version of yourself. What freedom! It’s the most liberating experience I’ve felt with another person – to be with someone and know that their steps are aligned with yours.
We were also adventurous, another version of courage, this year. We embarked on a journey across the world to explore Portugal, to see life in another country, on another continent.
For me personally, it felt like a return to a core element of myself. It had been nine years since I had returned to Europe. I simultaneously returned to songs I listened to previously when I was in Europe, and I also listened to new, yet encapsulating songs.
One of the old songs was my favorite song, England by the National. I listened to it after I finished up a run in Porto in a beautiful park with tall trees. The trees seemed to create an archway, leading to light in the distance. All at once, I was overcome with that rare feeling of standing in a place you’re never going to be in again, but you couldn’t be happier to be in that place, in that very moment. My own sentimentality floored me as I listen to the song. It was as if I had come home, not to a place, but to a sense of self. I always have felt an intense connection to being a traveler, and I always will feel this way. Traveling breathes into me, especially international travel. And I finally got to experience that international travel with my husband. Back before I left school, I spent years navigating the world as a single person. But now, here was my constant, the person I could share this sense of self with, and for him to embrace it felt as warm as the glow of the light on the opposite end of the park.
He was also able to have his own unique experience by being in Europe for the first time I could see that he was taking in everything with every beat of his heart. He was in step with me in excitement. It was something we were able to share.
I thought about all of these emotions and thoughts deeply during our trip, specifically on the train ride to Porto from Lisbon. It was a high-speed train, one that I made sure to tickets for dutifully in advance. Despite my nerves and the car ride from the first hotel, we made it to our seats easily. My husband fell soundly asleep, but I remained awake in the fresh morning, looking over at the rolling hills and wineries.
The rocking of the train, especially at that speed, was calming and exhilarating all the same. Again, seeing sights that it would be rare for me to see again, but feel lulled into a state of relaxation where it felt like I would always live in that state of being. Of looking at beauty and hearing the soft conversations of fellow passengers.
And as I was letting the serene play out within me and around me, I listened to Nothin’ No by David Vandervelde. It was from my Discover Weekly on Spotify, and I latched onto it. The jaunty strings, the crooning vocals. “Nothin’ no / is gonna keep us apart.”
We were on the opposite side of the world, but we had each other, side by side (one of us lightly snoozing). What a beautiful thing it is to take your love on a trip, to travel and grow and learn even more about each other as you learn about the world. What a beautiful thing it is to know that you could be on a train in Portugal, and feels so utterly complete because you’re on a train in Portugal with the one you’re meant to be with most in this world. And of anywhere in the world, here they are, right next to you.
How lucky! How divinely lucky I am.
Thirty Three 